Is It “And” or “Yes But”?

I have gained an appreciation of a particular the important word over the years.  It came to mind recently with one of Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditations which was entitled, The Shining Word “And”.  Thinking about it I reflected that often life is a question of choosing to respond either with an ‘And’ or a ‘Yes, But’.

Rohr provided an extensive list of ‘And’ possibilities and I have selected a portion of them to give you an idea of the possibilities of responding with ‘And’ in life.

 

Father Richard offers a contemplative practice of embracing “and.” We encourage you to read these words slowly, allowing for a “both-and” space to emerge within:

“And” teaches us to say yes

“And” allows us to be both-and

“And” keeps us from either-or

“And” teaches us to be patient and long suffering

“And” heals our racism, sexism, heterosexism, and classism

“And” allows us to critique both sides of things

“And” allows us to enjoy both sides of things

“And” is the very Mystery of Trinity

The first instance or suggestion of saying “yes” can often turn into a “yes, but”.  This is one of the “games that people play” a la Transactional Analysis which I dabbled in many year ago.  The Yes, But game is a passive aggressive response by people who do not want to do what is suggested but does not want to give a definitive ‘No’.   As an example, someone may ask you for help solving a problem in their life and you are very pleased that the person seems to value your opinion.  You give, what you think is great advice and exactly what they need to solve the issue or turn their life around.  They respond yes that is a good suggestion but I can’t do it for x or y or z or …  This is a game that people can fill up their lives believing on some level they want to change or solve what ails them but deep down are afraid to make the change.  I have seen examples where people get caught up is the helping or rescuing mode of trying to solve someone’s problem but it turns into a series of ‘Yes, Buts’ to every suggestion.

I’m sure I have fallen for the Yes, But game at times - both on the giving and receiving ends so to speak.  It is helpful to remember to try and respond to life with an And rather than a Yes, But.  May we all have that wisdom on our journey.