Actually, What is Reality?

We are now settling in, to cottage life on PEI.  However, the calendar is lying as the weather is proclaiming loudly that it is still early spring with temperatures in the low singe digits (centigrade), cloudy and wet.  However, it is inconsiderate to be complaining about this weather when so many people are suffering from the effects of wildfires and extremely hot weather.  The cold is made a bit more difficult because Lorna is reluctant to light the wood stove in case Trixie the cat tries to emulate a Tennessee Williams novel i.e., cat on a hot iron stove. 

We began our cottage time by watching a movie on our less than up-to-date technology i.e., the combo VHS and VCR player connected to a 20” portable TV (it is a colour TV in case you are wondering).  The movie we watched was Lars and the Real Girl, which we had originally seen during our Spiritual Direction training at Mount Carmel some years ago.  It is a delightful poignant tale – almost a fairy tale - which did not get the attention it deserved when it was in theaters.

The plot is simple but not simplistic.  As described on-line, the film follows Lars (Ryan Gosling), a kind-hearted but extremely introverted and socially awkward young man who develops a romantic yet nonsexual relationship with an anatomically correct sex doll, a RealDoll named Bianca. His brother (Paul Schneider) and sister-in-law (Emily Mortimer) worry about him, so when he announces that he has a girlfriend he met on the Internet, they are overjoyed. On the advice of a doctor (Patricia Clarkson), his family and the rest of the community go along with his delusion.

There are many questions raised by this movie.  As the title suggests, who is real and what is reality?  Reality certainly is in the eye of the beholder as Bianca becomes more real to everyone in Lars’ family and community as the plot develops.  At its core is the issue of acceptance of those you love.  When Lars objects to Bianca spending time with others and not exclusively with him, he is told that Bianca has been accepted by the community because everyone loves and cares about and for him.  The ending is quite poignant, as Lars develops to the point where he no longer needs Bianca, and he allows her to “die”, and he begins a relationship with a “real” live woman. 

For me, the issue that this tale brings front and centre, is how does society accept people who do not fit the idea of what is normal and acceptable?  I note with alarm that some politicians on the right in Canada e.g., Pierre Poilievre, are now banging the drum against all things “‘woke” and warning about the dangers of accepting anything they label as “woke” – I won’t list all that can entail but the extreme right in the United States include things such as opposing women’s reproductive choice, gun laws, LGBTQ people, and promoting sexism and racism.  It is anything and everything that they don’t agree with and oppose for their ideology and political advantage. 

Being truly accepting of others that don’t fit our idea of what and how people and things should be, can be a real challenge.  But it is one that we must strive for.  Allowing Lars to be who he is, enabled him to be more fully who he was intended to be when he was created.  The question remains, how do we as individuals and society enable others to do the same?

Food for thought on your journey.