Divinely Intended Tension

I am currently reading, Caring Enough to Confront, a book given to me recently by the author, Dr. Denis Shackel who is a friend.  In the book, the author tackles the challenges which are encountered in difficult conversations.  Denis Shackel analyses what makes some conversations challenging, why we should engage in them, and gives the reader strategies for engaging in those conversations.

As someone who, by nature, tries to avoid conflict and has at times not handled them well, I appreciate a book that engages this issue.  Denis explores these types of conversations and the situations that lead to them from an analytical approach which examines why they occur and the psychology involved as well as exploring the benefits of engaging these conversations in a positive manner.  Unfortunately, as the author documents, most are not handled in a successful way; 49% of challenging conversations are avoided, 48% are unsuccessful, and a mere 3% are engaged successfully. 

In considering the issues of challenging conversations, if we look at them from a spiritual perspective, they are, what has been named, Divinely Intended Tension.  This is a term, which I came across many years ago.  It was first, to my knowledge, coined by Friedrich von Hügel, (5 May 1852 – 27 January 1925) who was a Catholic layman, religious writer, and Christian apologist.  He was also a spiritual director with notable directees such as Evelyn Underhill.  When I encountered the phrase, I was immediately engaged with it, as I believe it is a perfect description of God’s intention for us in engaging the challenges that we inevitably encounter in life – particularly in our relations with others. 

In effect, Divinely intended tension" comprises situations where pressures, paradoxes, and opposing truths in life are purposefully used by God to foster spiritual growth, resilience, and dependence on divine grace.

Later, studying the psychology of Carl Jung, I came to see that Jung’s concept of the theory of opposites was a complementary concept which encompassed a way of balancing the opposing forces of the psyche as the path toward integration of the conscious and unconscious aspects of the human psyche. 

Both Divinely Intended Tension and the theory of opposites propose that if we are able to hold these tensions which occur in life, and do not avoid them or negate them, something which God intends for us will come forth in our lives.  In will become to a greater extent, the people God intends us to be.  However, as the statistics from Caring Enough to Confront, noted above shows, people overwhelmingly do not engage willingly with the tension we encounter in life.  I do believe that it is God’s intention for us to engage in those difficult times with others.  To do so is to follow Jesus’ commandment that we love one another – as difficult as that is.   

I will close with a quote which arrived in the inbox today which is apropos to this subject:

Ponder this universal teaching: If we stay present to our discomfort, we will also feel something else arising—something more real, capable, sensitive, and exquisitely aware of ourselves and of our surroundings. (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 37)