True Forgiveness

 I have just finished rereading, The Return of the Prodigal Son, by Henri Nouwen.  This is a wonderful exploration of Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son which recounts Nouwen’s engagement with Rembrandt’s masterpiece which depicts the homecoming of the Prodigal son.

I will reflect on the book in total another time.  Right now, I want to consider the concept of forgiveness which Nouwen explores in the book.  Nouwen recounts his journey which was initiated by the encounter with the painting. On that journey, Nouwen identified with each of the three principal characters in the parable – the prodigal son, the elder brother, and the father.   In his identification with the father in the parable, Nouwen explores the idea of spiritual fatherhood.  For Nouwen, the key to this is forgiveness.  However, he acknowledges that “Forgiveness from the heart is very, very difficult.  It is next to impossible.”  However, as he states this is one of the commandments that Jesus gives to his followers, “When your brother wrongs you seven times a day and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I am sorry, you must forgive him.”

Nouwen does unpack just how difficult true forgiveness:

I have often said, “I forgive you”, but even as I said these words, my heart remained angry or resentful.  I still wanted to hear the story that tells me that I was right after all; I still wanted to hear apologies and excuses; I still wanted the satisfaction of receiving some praise in return – if only the praise of being so forgiving.

Unfortunately, these words ring true in my ears.  I have found that true forgiveness is not a matter of saying the words.  It is a matter of the heart.  Unfortunately, I believe that, in my experience, the church has not done justice to what true forgiveness is.  It encourages forgiveness in Christian; however, it does not acknowledge how difficult true forgiveness is.  It doesn’t acknowledge that talk is cheap.  True forgiveness does not come easily or without cost – at least for most of us.  True forgiveness is a journey which will require an exploration of the heart, as well as the mind, soul, emotions and the body. 

You are able to tell if you have been blessed with the gift of true forgiveness if you no longer wake up in the middle of the night filled with the thought of how badly someone has treated you; how unfairly you have been treated by that person; and yes, how deep in your heart – or elsewhere – you truly want revenge for what that person has done.  If you no longer are haunted by that ghost visitor, it is likely that you have been blessed by true forgiveness. 

I believe that true forgiveness is a gift from God, and we are blessed if we have received it.  However, even though it is freely given, it is not without cost.  It is the cost of exploring who you truly are and the revelation of some truths about yourself that may not be welcome.  However, as with all that God blesses you with, it is truly a blessing.

May be blessed to find true forgiveness on your journey.  

Joy to the World

Last Sunday was the third Sunday in Advent, also known as Gaudete Sunday. Gaudete is Latin for ‘rejoice’ and the third candle is the pink/rose coloured one (the other three are red).  But why pink?  One source I consulted notes, “Long ago the Pope would honor a citizen with a pink rose (or a rose rose?) Priests then would wear pink vestments as a reminder of this coming joy.”

I have, in the past, pondered the difference between joy and happiness and I don’t think I have a complete handle on the difference.  As far as I can determine, happiness is a reaction to specific events and joy is a state of being.  When we sing the carol “Joy to the World the Lord is come,” it means that we are declaring that the world is in a state of joy as the Prince of Peace is born.  However, he is not the Prince of Joy as that is the state we experience when peace reigns in the world. 

In any case. I have been, not surprisingly, encountering joy in many things I have read in the last few days.   The Advent reflection for December 17^th which I receive in my inbox notes that we have the anticipation of joy when we consider the birth of the Christ child:

As we move toward the manger, we sing with great gladness. The song is ancient, sung by the heavenly host and repeated by the shepherds as they traveled to see the Christ child. Glory to God in the highest. O come let us adore Him. The song carries the weight of the hope of believers through the ages. It is a song of expectation, of anticipation, of joy and wonder.

In another case, I was drawn to reading The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen which explores the painting by Rembrandt of the parable.  The painting came up in my session with my Spiritual Director.  Nouwen notes that the joy experienced on the return of the prodigal son was driven out by the resentment felt by the older brother:

But this shout of joy cannot be received.  Instead of relief and gratitude, the servant’s joy summons up the opposite: “He was angry then and refused to go in.”  Joy and resentment cannot coexist.  The music and dancing, instead of inviting joy, became a cause for even greater withdrawal. 

Nouwen notes that he had experienced a similar reaction as that of the older brother:

But my anger was so great at not being told about the party that I couldn’t stay.  All of my inner complaints about not being accepted, liked, and love surged up in me, and I left the room, slammed the door behind me.  I was completely incapacitated―unable to receive and participate in the joy that was there.  In an instance, the joy in that room had become a sense of resentment.

 So, other than giving up the comfortable feeling of resentment, how do we achieve joy?  One clue was in the prayers of the people on Sunday.  In the prayers we give thanks for many things; for being called to be the people of God, for the community of faith throughout the world, the privileged of ministering to others, and for the countless gifts of God we have received.  Giving thanks to God in all things. This will go a long way to experiencing joy. 

Nouwen notes that it can be a choice, “Every moment of each day I have the chance to choose between cynicism and joy.  Every thought I have can be cynical or joyful.  Every word I speak can be cynical or joyful.”  I believe that this is a great part of a joyful life.  However, in no way is it easy and should not be made to seem so.  I do not have a natural inclination to joy.  That is part of who I am.  I think many people are not naturally joyful and it does take a conscious effort to cultivate joy in one’s life.  Giving thanks to God in (not for but in) all things is the way to approach it, even if it doesn’t seem to come naturally to many of us.  Thanks be to God. 

Blessings on you journey and may your experience be one of joy. 

The Prodigal Father (4): the Ways of Compassion

Recently, I have written about the Henri Nouwen’s striving to aspire to be like the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son.  Nouwen’s book The Return of the Prodigal Son describes his exploration of the parable which was initiated by his encounter with the painting by Rembrandt based on the parable.

Nouwen saw that what it meant for him to aspire to be like God the father was to be compassionate.  Nouwen states that the most radical statement Jesus made was, “Be compassionate as your father is compassionate”.  He acknowledges that this is in no way easy for him.  To do this you must live a life that is based on cooperation rather than competition—which, of course, is truly radical in today’s culture.   However, he identifies three ways to a truly compassionate fatherhood.   These ways of compassion are; grief, forgiveness, and generosity.  Last week I explored the first way; grief.  Today I will explore the second way; forgiveness.

As Nouwen notes, “Forgiveness from the heart is very, very difficult.  It is next to impossible.  Jesus said to his disciples: ‘when your brother wrongs you seven times a day and comes back to you and says ‘I am sorry,’ you must forgive him.’”  The words are certainly easier than change in heart which is required to truly forgive.  We are trained as children to say we forgive even when we don’t feel it or believe it.  When the parents say to the child ‘say you are sorry’ the child may say it to placate the parent but he or she probably is only sorry that they were caught in the wrongdoing.

 A few years ago I read about one person’s struggle with forgiveness that illustrates how hard it is to truly forgive.  An Anglican priest in England, resigned her holy orders because she found that as hard as she tried she was unable to forgive, to truly forgive, the drunk driver who had killed her child.  She believed that as a Christian and a priest she was called to forgive that person and was unable to do it.  This shows us that true forgiveness is not cheap or easy.  It is more than just say the words.  To truly mean it is a long hard journey.

As Nouwen notes, “God’s forgiveness is unconditional; it comes from a heart that does not demand anything for itself, a heart that is completely empty of self-seeking.  It is this forgiveness that I have to practice in my daily life.”  Fortunately God’s forgiveness is there for us unconditionally when we fail to do likewise.  Thanks be to God.  

The Prodigal Father (3): the Ways of Compassion

Last week I wrote of the Henri Nouwen’s striving to aspire to be like the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son.  Nouwen’s book The Return of the Prodigal Son explores his exploration of the parable which was initiated by his encounter with the painting by Rembrandt of the same name based on the parable.

Nouwen saw that what it meant for him to aspire to be like God the father was to be compassionate.  Nouwen states that the most radical statement Jesus made was, “Be compassionate as your father is compassionate”.  He acknowledges that this is in no way easy for him.  To do this you must live a life that is based on cooperation rather than competition—which, of course, is truly radical in today’s culture.   However, he identifies three ways to a truly compassionate fatherhood.   These ways of compassion are; grief, forgiveness, and generosity.

I will look at each of these ways this week and subsequent weeks beginning with grief.  Nouwen notes that there is no grief without tears; either tears that flow from our eyes or tears that flow from our hearts.  He notes that there is no shortage of things to grieve over in this world, “When I consider the immense waywardness of God’s children, our lust, our greed, our violence, our anger, our resentment, and when I look at them through the eyes of God’s heart, I cannot but weep and cry out in grief.” 

For there to be tears of grief I believe that there must be an open heart.  As one who has not always had the gift of tears of compassion that came to me often or easily, I am aware that it is because my heart has not been open to much of the waywardness in the world.  I have had a protective wall around my heart that requires breaching.  To enable this to happen, we must be open to being hurt by the world. 

Nouwen proposes that much of grieving is prayer.  A good prayer for the grief that comes from compassion is to prayer that the walls around our hearts will come tumbling down like the walls of Jericho.  Blessings.  

The Prodigal Father Reconsidered

I am currently reading The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henry Nouwen.  It is a wonderful exposition on the painting by Rembrandt which is based on the parable of the Prodigal Son.  The interpretation of the parable by Nouwen considers the father of the story to be a representation of God the Father.  This is not unexpected.  He also explores the impact of the painting on him and his developing realization that he was both the elder son who is dutiful and stays home and the younger, prodigal son who demands his inheritance, lives the life of a wastrel, and them repents and returns home to the father in a chastened state. 

Nouwen’s understanding and theology of the parable is that father (as God) is all good.  As he notes, “This is not a story that separates the two brothers into the good and the evil one.  The father is only good.  He loves both sons”.  The elder son is depicted by Jesus, and is understood by Nouwen in the parable as the one who is resentful of having to be the dutiful one.   He is likened to the scribes and Pharisees, groups that Jesus was critical of.  The elder son did his duty—all the law required—and ended up resentful of the loved showered on the prodigal son when he returned.  The parable expresses this very vividly:

He was angry and reused to go in, and his father came out and e retorted began to urge him to come in; but he retorted to his father, “All these years, I have slaved for you and never once disobeyed any orders of yours, yet you never offered me as much as a kid for me to celebrate with my friends.  But, for this son of yours, when he comes back after swallowing up your property—he and his loose women—you kill the fatted calf”. 

In reading Nouwen’s declaration that “The father is all good”, the question arose in my mind, “is the father actually all good?”; is there perhaps some fault in the father that contributed to the reaction by the elder son?  If we consider the characters in the parable not be archetypal or universal representations of God’s kingdom; the father as an earthly father and the sons earthly children of that father, is then father entirely good?  Put it another way, does the elder son have a valid complaint about the way he was treated?  The father, as story presents him, shows unconditional love.  He welcomes the prodigal son back with open arms literally and celebrates his return not expecting or wanting the prepared mea culpa of the younger son.  He also goes to the elder son and asks, no begs him to come into the feast and celebrate the return with him. He assures the resentful son that, “all I have is yours”. 

However, I believe we are left wondering if the father took the elder son for granted.  Here he was dutiful and obedient and did all that was asked of him.  But as the elder son says that the father never gave him so much as a kid for him to celebrate with his friends.  This leaves me with the impression that the father did not express the love he obviously had for the elder son in concrete ways.  Perhaps if he had the resentment would not have been there.  Perhaps the brother would have been more well-disposed to celebrate the prodigal brother’s return.  I believe that Jesus, in telling the story, was concerned with putting the brother in the role of the Pharisees and scribes that were lurking around wanting to find a gotcha to use against Jesus.  Jesus directed the lesson of the parable specifically to those who he was especially critical of.

However, if we take the father as a representation of our Heavenly Father, I believe that Nouwen’s understanding of the father as all good is valid.  I believe that God does offer us affirmation and the great feast.  I believe that that God’s love is offered to us freely and unconditionally.    It is for us to hear know and to respond to that love.  Often we are unable or unwilling to do that.  However, with God all things are possible.  

The Return of the Prodigal Son (Rembrandt)