Actually, What is Reality?

We are now settling in, to cottage life on PEI.  However, the calendar is lying as the weather is proclaiming loudly that it is still early spring with temperatures in the low singe digits (centigrade), cloudy and wet.  However, it is inconsiderate to be complaining about this weather when so many people are suffering from the effects of wildfires and extremely hot weather.  The cold is made a bit more difficult because Lorna is reluctant to light the wood stove in case Trixie the cat tries to emulate a Tennessee Williams novel i.e., cat on a hot iron stove. 

We began our cottage time by watching a movie on our less than up-to-date technology i.e., the combo VHS and VCR player connected to a 20” portable TV (it is a colour TV in case you are wondering).  The movie we watched was Lars and the Real Girl, which we had originally seen during our Spiritual Direction training at Mount Carmel some years ago.  It is a delightful poignant tale – almost a fairy tale - which did not get the attention it deserved when it was in theaters.

The plot is simple but not simplistic.  As described on-line, the film follows Lars (Ryan Gosling), a kind-hearted but extremely introverted and socially awkward young man who develops a romantic yet nonsexual relationship with an anatomically correct sex doll, a RealDoll named Bianca. His brother (Paul Schneider) and sister-in-law (Emily Mortimer) worry about him, so when he announces that he has a girlfriend he met on the Internet, they are overjoyed. On the advice of a doctor (Patricia Clarkson), his family and the rest of the community go along with his delusion.

There are many questions raised by this movie.  As the title suggests, who is real and what is reality?  Reality certainly is in the eye of the beholder as Bianca becomes more real to everyone in Lars’ family and community as the plot develops.  At its core is the issue of acceptance of those you love.  When Lars objects to Bianca spending time with others and not exclusively with him, he is told that Bianca has been accepted by the community because everyone loves and cares about and for him.  The ending is quite poignant, as Lars develops to the point where he no longer needs Bianca, and he allows her to “die”, and he begins a relationship with a “real” live woman. 

For me, the issue that this tale brings front and centre, is how does society accept people who do not fit the idea of what is normal and acceptable?  I note with alarm that some politicians on the right in Canada e.g., Pierre Poilievre, are now banging the drum against all things “‘woke” and warning about the dangers of accepting anything they label as “woke” – I won’t list all that can entail but the extreme right in the United States include things such as opposing women’s reproductive choice, gun laws, LGBTQ people, and promoting sexism and racism.  It is anything and everything that they don’t agree with and oppose for their ideology and political advantage. 

Being truly accepting of others that don’t fit our idea of what and how people and things should be, can be a real challenge.  But it is one that we must strive for.  Allowing Lars to be who he is, enabled him to be more fully who he was intended to be when he was created.  The question remains, how do we as individuals and society enable others to do the same?

Food for thought on your journey.  

The Test for the Times

 Last week was a milestone in our trip to our cottage to PEI.  We arrived at the cottage on September 3^rd but in many ways the trip was not over.  We had to go into quarantine for fourteen day.  They take quarantining very seriously here and people in that state are phoned every day by an official from the PEI Health Department to confirm that you are still home.

We know of one couple who missed a call and were visited by the RCMP to check on them.  No harm done but their dog thought it would make a break for it and jumped unnoticed into the back seat of the cruiser and was taken for a ride to quarantine freedom.  However, the canine escapee was discovered and brought back to quarantine prison.   

To be honest being in quarantine has not seemed like being in prison for either Lorna or me.  We have enjoyed the days filled with few commitments and we were able to hunker down to the things which we enjoy doing; for me it is being in the bunkie playing guitar and spending time on the computer and doing my daily spiritual exercises as well as reading and having another kind of spirit at 4:00 in the afternoon.  Lorna on the other hand has thrown herself into her favourite activity-gardening.  I have said for many years that the people who devised house arrest as a punishment were definitely not introverts which is what Lorna and I definitely are.  Of course being in quarantine was possible due to help form friends particularly one who brought us our groceries during this time of isolation. 

I was given one opportunity to break out of quarantine which I took.  We were asked by the PEI official if either of us would be willing to take a COVID-19 test.  I agreed as I thought it was my civic duty to help the officials to gain a better understanding of the scope of the pandemic.  I’m not sure if I would have agreed if I had known I would have to drive to Charlottetown by myself – Lorna wasn’t allowed to accompany me.  She is usually my navigator when travelling to uncharted territory, and sometimes even in charted ones.  I once had a dream where she was a back-seat driver but she was in the front seat.  I am actually grateful for her navigational skills and depend on them as I am directionally challenged which I put down to my type with my sensing function in the Myers Briggs scale being my weakest or inferior one (see last weeks edition for more on types).  We don’t have GPS in the car which I am beginning to wonder if we should reconsider.

In any case, last Monday I set off to the uncharted territory in deepest darkest Charlottetown.  All was well until I took a wrong turn or, rather, the highway too a wrong turn which I didn’t follow and I had to go to plan B which was to phone Lorna on our antiquated cell phone and she bailed me out and got me to my destination only a few minutes late which wasn’t a problem.  Once I arrived the process went very smoothly and the test itself was not a problem.  I phoned in for the results last Thursday and yes, I am COVID negative. 

So, we are now out of quarantine and free to fully enjoy the all that PEI has to offer this time of year which will include hurricane Teddy (a most inappropriate name for a hurricane in my view).  Teddy is scheduled to arrive early Wednesday and we can hunker down once more to ride it out if it arrives and the power goes out as predicted.  We were able to attend a church worship service at St. George’s Anglican in Montague on Sunday.  It was a joy to reconnect with some Island friends and to worship with other people.  I will be presiding at the service there next Sunday, Teddy permitting. 

My journey continues – blessings on yours.  

Describe Yourself - If You Dare

One of the pleasures I have discovered in that last two summers at the cottage in PEI is the mystery novel.  I have never been a fan of this genre — at least in print form having enjoyed the TV adaptations — particularly of the British variety such as Midsomer Murders  or Inspector Morse.  Of course there is the original fictional detective Sherlock Holmes in his many incarnations. 

In the past two summers (or should I say Midsomers) I have found the detective mystery to be the perfect light reading to complement my more serious exploration of Spiritual Direction books, books on dream interpretation, alchemy, and Jungian psychology liberally (small l) mixed with the bible. 

One of the series I have discovered is by Sue Grafton who has written a alphabetical series (A is for Alibi, B is for Burglar down to W is for Wasted) dealing with the exploits of her female Private Eye Kinsey Millhone.  One of the things that makes Sue Grafton’s writing so engaging is the descriptive nature of how she writes.  The scenes and the characters are written so graphically and vibrantly that I have no difficulty picturing the scenes in the stories and the characters which inhabit them.

I would like to give you some examples of the writing but unfortunately all our copies of the books are back in Ann of Green Gable’s home province and so I must limit the examples to a few I found on line:

Beverly Danziger looked like an expensive, carefully wrapped package from a good but conservative shop. Only her compulsive chatter hinted at the nervousness beneath her cool surface. It was a nervousness out of all proportion to the problem she placed before Kinsey Millhone.

He was young—maybe twenty or so—and he must once have been a good-looking kid. Kinsey could see that. But now his body was covered in scars, his face half-collapsed. It saddened Kinsey and made her curious. 

The question I would like to put to you today is, “if Sue Grafton was to put you into one of her novels, how would she describe you?”  This of course could be both the outer appearance as well and the inner person. 

Thinking about what I would write was more daunting that I first thought it would be.  It is a bit like what would I put in my obituary if I were to write it but makes it more immediate.  In effect how do you think other people see you?

Well here is my preliminary effort.  In outward appearance Gregory (Greg) Little is a tall (6’2”) somewhat overweight (215 lbs.) senior citizen (now 65 years old).  You could not describe Greg as tall dark and handsome despite his height.  He is fairly attractive but his years are beginning to show.  He does wear his age quite well but not as well as he thinks.  He is certainly no longer dark as the thinning hair is showing a lot of gray as is his full beard.  Greg peers at the world through myopic eyes and does not see a lot of the physical colours in the world being somewhat colour blind to go along with his short-sightedness.  Greg is, however, very interested in the nuances of people and what makes them tick. He is a person who likes to see the connections with things beyond the physical world however; he doesn’t always make the connections about others as well as himself as he thinks he should.  Greg is not a detail oriented person as anyone reading his emails can attest.  He puts this down to his personality type which is INFJ on the Myers Briggs scale and a 9 on the Enneagram scale.  However he is more attentive to detail than he used to be.  Greg also has a good sense of humour and likes seeing the ironic and paradoxes in life. 

I could go on but I think I will leave it at that — for today in any case.  So how would Sue Grafton describe you on the inside as well on the outside?