A Room of My Own

Virginia Wolfe famously wrote about having a room of one’s own as being necessary as "a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction."  My memory of what she wrote was a bit hazier before I googled it as it is buried in the depths of my memory of my first University English class which was after all, in another millennium buried in the depths of the 1970’s.

That phrase, a room of one’s own, came to mind as Lorna and I have been settling into our cottage for the summer and I just returned from the room of my own, the bunkie which is my own space.  You might say it is a space within a space ̶ part of the space that Lorna and I occupy each summer in Prince Edward Island – you could say it is the place of our own. 

Virginia Woolf was speaking from what could be criticized as being a middle-class privileged space about the challenges of creating her place in the literary canon.  That being said, I believe it is also true for the development of a contemplative life.  At least for me, as an unapologetic introvert, I know that I must have a place where I can be alone with myself and in doing so perhaps also recognize and deepen the experience of being with God.  I know that God is always with me but it is far too easy to ignore that inner experience which I have come to identify with God.

I may have written in this space about my experience of growing up as an introvert in what seemed to be an extroverted world.  I hope you will forgive me if I am repeating myself.  As a child I found that I needed a small corner where I could hide out from a world that didn’t seem to be all that friendly to me.  It was my “small corner” following the lines from that children’s “Jesus Bids Us Shine”:

Jesus bids us shine with a clear, pure light,
Like a little candle burning in the night;
In this world of darkness, so we must shine,
You in your small corner, and I in mine.

This was not just a case of an introvert needing space to recharge his batteries and renew himself, it was a case of a place of safety from an unfriendly world.  I found the world and people hard to figure out and it was a challenge to engage with people.  As a grew older and possibly a bit wiser, I found it a challenge to differentiate between my need as an introvert to recharge my inner batteries and my desire to find a safe place which was truly not as necessary as in those childhood years.  Those defense mechanisms that we develop as children for survival can be retained even when they are no longer necessary as adults. 

I realize that I need to be aware when I retreat into my small corner to recharge my inner batteries rather than to escape from a world that is actually not actually unsafe.  I have discovered and continue to discover that my small corner is where I can recharge and strengthen my relationship with God.  If I can do this, I am much more likely to let my little light shine in the world.  This does not seem to be true for everyone as some people seem to find the room of their own to be in many different kinds of places.  It may be in nature or in encounters with other people and even, dare I say it, worshiping as part of a religious community.  I certainly have had experiences of connections with God in other places, including church.  That is part of the pulled to ordination.  However, to ground myself in my relationship with God I do need a room of my own.

May you find the room of your own in whatever form it takes and may you find blessings on your journey.